I know I’m not the only one who feels like things are moving too fast sometimes, and it often seems like when you need a break the most is when you are the least able to take one.
That’s how I was feeling last week. I made a promise to myself to write something here each week for one year. And to rewrite this manuscript that’s been nagging me. And to make new art… And these are just a few of the promises I’ve made to myself and others that feel so important and urgent and immoveable.
But I also am a flawed human who just had a really rough week. Things felt heavier than usual. Harder than usual. And though I drafted idea after idea for both book and blog, nothing felt right.
My heart was aching. My body was exhausted. The external demands kept coming. And I really just needed to catch my breath.
I’m not one to purposefully take a step back. I’m often only “resting” in a totally exhausted and miserable crash, after I’ve been pushed to my breaking point. Which, for a long while has been pretty much every damn day.
Usually, that’s when the feeling of failure sets in. I’ve let myself down, I’ve let others down. I expected too much and given myself no wiggle room, and instead of realizing my expectations need adjustment, I get critical: Why is it so hard for me to keep up with the pace of the world?
And the messages we get from everywhere enforce this idea: We are encouraged to plow through, bust our booties, and “shoot for the moon.”
But last week, for the first time in a while, I crawled outside of my own head and took a look around. And I remembered a few things I often try to ignore:
Most people wouldn’t expect this much from themselves.
Everyone faces challenges and setbacks.
“The pace of the world” is a made up thing.
This isn’t failure, this is learning.
I needed to shift gears… Put it in neutral and just coast for a few days. Guilt-free. Just catch your breath and be.
And in my coasting I learned a lot:
Purposeful permission to do less immediately released so much of my guilt.
I still sat down to write, but without a goal in mind. It became a healing exercise instead of a chore.
Subsequently, I was more present with my kids. And better able to help them manage some of their emotional outbursts.
Letting go of the negative thoughts freed up space in my mind… which began swirling with fresh ideas and inspiration.
Today I feel like I’m able to look at the next few weeks and months more clearly. Maybe I’ll plan for more “neutral” days to maintain this mindset.
Will I set ultra-high expectations and then crash again? Probably. No one is perfect.
But the fact that I even wrote that last sentence makes me think I’m on the right track.
Today’s doodle explains how writing has felt lately… Is anyone else fighting off new ideas constantly? I guess the towers do get built eventually, either way.